Mar 11 2 comments
Awkward Moments, Life In a Nutshell, Living in La La Land

Seriously?!

I need a vacation…from my life or my lack there of a life.  I’m in school in Vancouver…temporarily.  Don’t worry California I’m not earning any money up here so you are not missing out on anything.  Soon I will be paying you tons of taxes so relax.  But things are not exactly how I’d like them to be and there’s a new circumstance that I’m not dealing with at all.  In the past, I’d just sit here and be miserable and get over it or deal with it.  But I’m 30 now and am sick of this shit.  Honestly who the F’ cares if I deal with it or not?  I’m single with no kids, nor do I own really anything.  hell I don’t even own a pet! So I have zero responsibility of my own except to pay my bills.  As long as I can do do that then I am good.  So why in the hell should I stay in a situation where I’m not happy or even comfortable?  I say I don’t.

I’m visiting LA in 9 days and I am seriously thinking of taking a break from school and going back to work there.  Why not?  I just need to make enough money to pay rent in two places.  It’d only be for 3 months and I’d only do it if I could find work in LA for 3 months; not an easy task.  Which is why I haven’t said one thing to anyone here.  We shall see how my vacation goes and then move on from there.  But shit…why not?  I’ve got nothing to lose.  I really need to start embracing that idea.  I’ve given up on the whole “career” thing so not a thing to lose there and friends..well if they really are my friends then they’ll be around in 3 months.  It’s not like I’ve let myself really be close to anyone…any where.   I’m going to do it….

Now to begin the awful task of emailing everyone asking for work.  Yuck.

Tags: , ,
You can edit this ad by going editing the index.php file or opening /images/exampleAd.gif
Mar 03 0 comments
Growing Up, Life In a Nutshell

Those times….

There are those times when you want nothing else but to take a step backward, reboot, redo….not have the moment.  These moments, these tiny speck of time in your life are the ones that impact you the most.  Usually they spring into your life out of nowhere and leave you changed forever.  Some of them are huge changes like death or sometimes they are small moments like finding out you didn’t win the prize or you aren’t the one.  I’m obsessed with these moments.  I tend to be overly perspective of them and am fully aware when they are happening.  This is not a good thing.  It means that I know immediately my life will be changing whether I want it to or not and I can’t stop it.  I was taught at a young age to just deal with life.  That there is no other option than to deal and move on.  I wish it really were that simple.

It’s not.  It never is that simple.  I wish I could say that most of these moments in my life where good but sadly the have not been.  Not to say that is always the case but for me that’s the truth.  Some are terrible.  Like I feel as if I’m paralyzed and cannot breath.  The moment is too much and I can’t move.  Others are just a wave of sadness and I know.  I know that my life is being affected and I try to stop it.  I fight the feeling and the moment but I’m never victorious.  The good moments are usually not so obvious to me.  They happen and a bit later I realize this was a good thing.  I’m changed and it’s only for the better.  I wish those moments happened more often.

I wish I could control the bad times.  I wish I could block the feelings I get when I’m aware of their occurrence.  I wish that I was better at hiding the feeling.  I wish my friends wouldn’t see the pain in my eyes when I know things are not going my way.  There’s nothing they can do to help them stop it so they need not know it’s happening.  I wish I could deal with it as fast as they happened.  I wish I could turn the bad into good.  I hope this post helps in doing that.

Mar 01 0 comments
Life In a Nutshell

Do you have a Quatchi?

I’ll be honest. I have a thing for fuzzy, cute, squishy things. Now don’t go all dirty on me here. I mean stuffed animals, soft blankets, dogs etc. For the Olympics I have a little thing for Quatchi or our Sasquatch mascot. The Vancouver Olympics have three mascots: Quatchi, Sumi, and Miga. Additionally the mascots have a sidekick, why? who knows?, Muk Muk. Each is to represent an area of Vancouver’s and Canada’s history. Sumi is related to Canada’s Native culture. Miga is some how related to the Orca whale. And Muk Muk is well a who knows? But all our quite cute and equally expensive to own but I really want a Quatchi! You can even purchase the mascot dolls wearing the Canadian red maple leaf gloves. I’m waiting for Sunday when everything is going to get really cheap to purchase. Already you can go to stores, besides The Bay, and find all Olympic crap at least 50% off. I’m heading to Shoppers and buying me a Quatchi! Not that I NEED another stuffed animal but how can I refuse the fuzzy little Sasquatch?

Feb 19 0 comments
Musical Goodness

Read Me!

Just a little something I posted on another site!  Please take a moment and read it!

Check out my recently published content on AC:

Char2d2’s Small Vampires

Feb 18 1 comments
Life In a Nutshell

Me, Me, Me!

AllAboutMeLargeI’m bored and avoiding work so…

Getting To Know You

~ Complete the following sentences, and be totally honest!

People would be shocked if…they heard me sing.  It’s that bad.

My favorite place to be is…with people I love laughing.

I love it when… I feel content.

I can’t go a day without… listening to music.

The best thing about me is… that I learn from my mistakes and am not judgemental.

The worst thing about me is… I can take things too seriously and have trouble letting relationships go.

When I’m sad… I lock myself away and cry.

When I’m happy… I smile like crazy.

When I’m angry… I swear and throw things.

No one would believe that… As a child I secretly wanted to be Janet jackson.

Life is full of… surprises and surprising oneself on how you deal with them both good and bad.

Sex is better when… you don’t think about it and have fun.

Casual sex… not really my style.

My idea of the perfect date is… laughing. Lots and lots of laughter.

The partner of my dreams… funny, charming, cute and loyal.

There is no way that I would ever… play softball.

I only say ‘I love you’… when I’m ready.

When I can’t sleep… I read or watch TV.

Before I die… I’d like to achieve all my dreams.

I wish I could… someone who likes me and I like them back.

I’m obsessed with… music!!!!

I can’t stand it when… people act like a moron or be inconsiderate.

I get excited when… I see new books or hear anything new about Tegan and Sara.

If tomorrow never comes… I hope someone misses me.

If I could pick one word to describe me it would be… awkward.

Everyday, I try to… live but am constantly feeling like I’m failing at it.

When it comes to love… I’m still looking.

There’s nothing sexier than… someone being comfortable with themself and making me laugh.

If I could change one thing about myself, it would be… my health.  I’d ditch the Diabetes and bad ankles.

The world is… out there, waiting for me to explore it.

My heart is… a little broken.

My favorite quote is… I don’t really have one.

I am most inspired by… music.

My biggest pet peeve is… when people are inconsiderate.

I can’t go a day without saying… oh no!

I would never date a person who… is boring.

My comfort food is… anything.

My dream car….Astin martin.

If I had to live anywhere other than where I live now… I have no idea.

I don’t care for…am i 60?  Who says that?

Right now, the thing I want more than anything else… is love and maybe some money.

Nothing compares to… being in love or even just knowing someone somewhere is thinking about you in a fantastic way.

I am a blend of… awkwardness, charm, and wit.

My favorite article of clothing is… sleepy pants.

The last relationship I was in… broke my heart but made me believe in myself.

If I had one wish… I’d wish that hate and bigotry would be replaced by love and tolerance in the hearts of mankind.

I could never live without… music, books, blackberry, laptop and friends.

When I was growing up, I dreamed of… becoming a singer.

Growing up, I loved… my stuffed Big Bird named “Biggie”.

All women… are complicated, interesting and challenging but loyal.

All men… are obvious.

The person I look up to the most… no one.  I’ve always sort of done my own thing without really needing role models.

If you knew tomorrow was your last day on earth… I would eat everything in sight, make the phone call I won’t do now, let everyone know I love them and get really drunk.

This survey… was something for me to do.

(Okay, now that you’ve wasted you time reading this… feel free to copy it, ditch my answers, and come up with some answers of your own!)

Tags:
Feb 16 0 comments
Growing Up

Beyond Frustrated

healthinsurance_h1-thumb-331x432-11969-thumb-331x432-11970-thumb-331x432-11971-1Recently Blue Cross/blue Shield announced it’s fantastic plan to raise premium rates by 39% despite the fact that they had a $4.7 billion profit last year.  Excuse me.  Now they are saying they will delay raising their rates.  This is after President Obama objects and Congress initiated an investigation into the company.

Honestly I know people are opposed to the public plan option but how are these people affording health care in the U.S?  I mean seriously my COBRA payments are horrible and now that’s running out so I have to get a private policy.  I’m unbelievably scared and anxious about all of this because I’m terrified I won’t get a good plan, get sick, paid thousands of dollars and I will need procedures that are not covered.  TERRIFIED by these thoughts.  At this point it’s starting to look like my monthly premium payments will cost more than my rent.

I simply do not understand how anyone deems this acceptable in our country.  Why?!  Because I’m a Diabetic and have a pre-exsisting condition that affects a large portion of people in the United States.  Because I’m a Type 1 Juvenile Diabetic that magically one day when I was 3 my pancreas decided it no longer wanted to work and just stopped.  Because somehow this is MY fault.  And if I do not have medical insurance my Diabetes will get worse or I can go broke trying to pay for my insurance.  AMERICA do you not realize that most jobs these days do NOT come with benefits.  Companys no longer wish to pay for them so they work around the system by hiring freelancers and saying they are only working 30 hours a week when in reality we do not make enough to cover our private insurance policies and are working more like 60+ hours a week.

Wake up!  Of course I do not want our country to go broke nor do I want the public option to be crappy or cover nothing.  If that’s the plan then I won’t be able to go on that either.  But Insurance companies are asking for people to leave them when the public option goes into effect if they keep raising their rates.  Isn’t bad enough that I can’t even get life insurance?  Honestly I have no idea how I’m suppose to get ahead in this world when there is no absolute way I can even begin to make enough money a month to pay both my rent and health insurance.  Let alone eating or power or water or gas.  And people expect me to magically make a 401k appear and put money into it.  Are you nuts?!  Did I mention when you are freelance there are no such things are “retirement plans?”  Old timers wake up!  The world is not like when you started in the work force.  Please listen to us!  We need help!  You are looking at an entire group of people who when they need to retire they will be on welfare.

Tags: , , ,
Feb 08 0 comments
Life In a Nutshell

Just another weekend…in Olympic Land

olympic_truce_logo Ohh I think I’ve mentioned it a few times now…but the Olympics are HERE!  And by here I mean like in full force no one speaks English in down town Vancouver here.  It’s amazing!  I had gone from being exciting they were coming to dreading it to wanting to like it to now almost to loving it.  Luckily I found a way to volunteer as a participant and am doing 21 hours of service and am now looking for more hours to volunteer.  It’s so much fun!  And I am not a volunteer type person.  Actually I can just be really shy about meeting new people and so having to chat with perfect strangers who  may or may not speak English is definitely out of my comfort zone.  But we all must leap out of that zone every once in awhile otherwise we become boring and stagnit and will never have any type of personal growth.  So here I go!

At the moment I am mainly volunteering for the Truce project.  It’s entire purpose is to promote peace.  Yes, we are the Beauty pageant part of the Olympics…world peace.  Silliness aside it is a noble idea.  This is a the first Olympics where there is an art installation attached to the main project.  We are asking each participant to write on a piece of paper how they make peace in their life or community.  Then they origami fold it into what resembles a maple seed, tape a LED light onto it then shoot it up this giant tube 3 stories into a net.  If folded correctly the “maple seed” should twirl slowing around gently landing in the net.  It’s quite fun.  And the whole thing is recyclable.  The lights will be removed and reused, the paper recycled, and the net will go to it’s original purpose…to catch fish.  So come over to Vancouver’s public library at 350 W. Georgia St. and participate.  It’s completely free and we are promoting the idea of starting peace by each person have a positive thought about it.  Peace begins with the individual and spreads out.  It’s a nice thought and it makes me smile helping out.

Now if I can only volunteer for 9 more hours so I can get my green Olympic fuzzy fleece thing…life would great. ;)

Feb 02 0 comments
Life In a Nutshell, Relationships

What a Week

computing_stressIt’s only Tuesday but already it’s been one hell of a week.  First my Flash class just about killed me. It’s amazing how something which can seem so simple can be so utterly confusing and difficult.  But alas that is the nature of Flash.  Luckily that part is finished for now.  Now to just finish the rest of my work for this week and then next week. sigh

And on top of all that two of my friends broke up with their significant others.  One was dumped and the other did the dumping.  But really it doesn’t matter neither are in good shape and it’s all so sudden and awful.  Both live with their respected ex’s and now they are faced with the situation all day every single day.  I keep trying to get my one friend to take a few days off and sleep on my futon but she won’t do it.  I just know that having the problem around you 24/7 does not help you deal with it at all.  I feel awful for both of them and there’s just nothing I can really do to make it all better.  I guess I’m also in shock cause the one was just out of left field and I mean if I’m in shock then my friend…well my heart breaks for her.  Relationships are so difficult but it’s also really difficult to be alone too.

Can we every be satisfied and content?  Sometimes I really wish I were one of those people who could be content with what I have but I’ve never been able to be that way.  But my ambition isn’t out of control either so it’s not like I’m pushing, pushing, pushing to accomplish my goals.  Hell at this point I really don’t even have any goals.  Threw that shit out of the window about a year ago. And weirdly  for a person who’s lived her entire life based on goals…I’m really not upset about it at all.  But enough about that sappy business…

In exciting news, on Friday I have my first volunteer shift for the Cultural Olympiad.  I’m a bit nervous about it but am excited too.  I like that I’m participating in the Olympics.  I really wanted to be more excited about them being here but it really is a big hassle but I’m going to make the best of it and have a good time.  And I”m going to drag my recluse friends out with me!  Wish me luck!!!

Tags: , , , ,
Jan 30 0 comments
Life In a Nutshell, Moving on Up; literally, Relationships

I’m still kicking!

635_bc_vancouver2010_cultural_olympiad_090305

I’d say it’s been awhile but really that’s a huge understatement.  Truthfully I got busy with school and running a site for a friend that I abandoned this one.  Sorry!  It won’t happen again.  I got reminded to get my bum in gear and post here again.  So here I am!

It’s now been 7 months since I moved to Vancouver.  In that that I have learned 4 computer programs, drawn more things than I ever imagined I could and found my brain again.  I had not really challenged my intelligence in so long that it took me a bit to figure out how to use it again.  Luckily going to art school, when you’re not an artist, and shoving tons of information into it at 11 week at a time tends to jump start the ole’ brain again.  It’s been frustrating at times but overall a good thing for me.  I am sick of being broke but I am in no hurry to head back into the work force.  I simply am dreading having to fight for work.  And I really don’t want to deal with where I am going to live.  I have no idea.  One minute I’m like LA and the next, no Vancouver!  It’s horrible!

But I’ve made friends here now.  Not quite the same friends I have in LA but they are really funny, good people.  And of course CANADIAN!  But I miss my crazy, drunken, wild just plain fun friends from LA.  Plus I miss LA.  Never ever thought I would say that but it wasnt’ all bad.  Granted at times it was awful!  I hated certain things about it but I do miss having more of a social life and the shopping and eating and bars and paychecks.  Ok that last one I can get anywhere.  :/  And I guess having friends my age though it’s not such a big deal here.  But still at times I want to shake them and say live your life now!  Working just to get a job is not everything!  But I dont’ cause they have to learn that one on their own – just like we all did.

Next month the Olympics descent upon us and at first I was really dreading them.  My school is the only staying open during the games but this week I finally managed to be able to volunteer for them.  Not I am working several of the Cultural olympic events and am getting transit for my work.  I am super excited about that one!  But can you imagine?  Me on a public bus.  This will be very interesting.  At the same time I also found more out about all the free events happening in the city.  It’s crazy!  I am definitely going to be hitting some of those up. And I’m going even if I cannot get anyone to go with me. Screw it!  I want to see these things and I’ll make friends or just see something cool.  I am also going to magically do all this while taking my midterm exams.  Heck you only live once so if I’m tired for 2 weeks then I will survive!

Tags: , ,
Jul 25 0 comments
Life In a Nutshell

More Love from Canada Land

In the past month I’ve discovered a few fantastic treasures offered up by the one and only Canada.  Here are just a few more things I have learned:

1.  Shreddies – sort of like wheat chex but bigger & more flavorfull.  Plus u can get them in flavors like Vanilla.  And they offer diamond shaped ones which cost more but are just the usual square ones rotated on the box.

2.  Peanut Butter – Not all brands are offered but the best one is made by….Kraft.  Who even knew the made PB?!

3.  Cable & Internet – Broadband is available but only in select areas which equals basically no where.  My cable is through my phone line.  HUH?!  And it took like 2 hours to hook up and we were not adding any new outlets etc.  So strange.

4.  Mullets – We all know the fantastic Tegan  and Sara Quin made the new age mullett fashionable again but even they have adapted the 2 year old style but not here.  Which makes your gaydar go completely wacko cause even straight girls are wearing the style.

5.  French – I don’t think I have to say any more.

6.  Bang – In Canadian an exclamation point (!) is a “Bang.” – By far one of my new favorite sayings.

7.  Bowling – Here there are 2 different ways to bowl.  10 pin and 5 pin.  AND 5 pin is played with a giant bowling ball!  Could it be an easier?!  Love it!

8.  Curling – Now this sport is pretty played everywhere except the U.S well that and rugby (which is also amazing to watch) but I finally got to learn some of the traits of the sport.  I canot wait to play!

9.  Cider – Offered everywhere.  And by cider I mean the kind with liquor in it.

10.  Twitter – A Canadian Don’t.

Tags: , , , , ,